Great Weekend for American Sports and the Galaxy

Women’s USA Soccer team beat Brazil on penalty kicks to give America a dazzling victory. The major networks still refuse to televise games because sweating isn’t lady-like. After a placid first half the L.A. Galaxy put out the Chicago Fire. Landon Donovan’s head and David Beckham’s foot joined forces to give the Galaxy the win. In other news, the Obama Administration blames the spike in unemployment on the NFL & NBA lockouts. Pacman Jones gets arrested at bar for pretending to be a nice guy. Yao Ming retires from the NBA because China wants their experiment back. In Baseball, Roger Clemens trial resumes. He’s charged with six felonies for telling Congress he never used steroids and could face jail time, Mike Vick is out of jail for dog-fighting, and Casey Anthony is at the bar for a wet t-shirt contest after allegedly killing her daughter. God bless America.